Today Rory and I were at a bit of a loose end and didn't really have 
any idea on what to do with our day. We are currently in the village of Kanchanaburi and are staying in the Jolly Frog Inn. This place is the location of the famous Bridge Over the River Kwai and, as we discovered upon arrival, an extremely popular place for sex tourists. Because we weren't overly keen on the idea of hanging out Garry Glitter's mates all day, we thought it best to go for a little outing. We discussed a few options and the best thing we could think of was to hire a motorbike.
We went to the bike rental shop just down the road and the woman in charge asked us what we wanted to hire. As designated driver I informed her I had ridden bikes for many years, and therefore had bags of experience, but I hadn't hit the road recently so could be a little rusty. This was not technically a lie as I had indeed clocked up many miles on two wheels. I had one of the longest paper rounds in the whole of Wymondham and held it for nearly 3 whole years before my retirement at 16. As far as motorbikes go, I'd never done more than a few laps of my grandad's farm.
The Lady obviously saw that I was talking pure rubbish, so suggested I went for something small and automatic. By this point I knew I wasn't going to get the Harley Davidson that I had my heart set on, but I thought id still retain some street cred if I got a nice little Lambretta with 2000 mirrors and popped a little Parker on. This was also not to be. 
How she kept a straight face when she wheeled the tiny little scooter onto the road, I will never know. It was a light blue, Yamaha hairdryer covered in limited edition Pokemon stickers and had a handy little basket on the front for keeping comic books, computer games, football stickers, etc. She then equipped us with helmets that provided about as much protection as egg shells and sent us on our way. After I sat pressing buttons and twisting levers for around 12 minutes, she realised her assumption was correct and I was indeed a complete novice. She provided me with the most patronising 30 second demonstration I have ever witnessed and gave me one more chance. The start was a little shaky but after 4 hours of driving at a cautious 7kph, I finally mastered it and Rory & I set of with the wind in our hair.
We
didn't have any plans so we just drove around the small country lanes of Thailand, taking in the scenery. It was a roasting hot day so it was a great way to keep cool. On our trip we saw quite a few little attractions, a community of floating houses, a 2nd world war cemetery and a Buddhist temple located within a cave. We then decided to be a little more adventurous, Erawan national park was around 65km away along good roads so we decided to get going. En route we bumped into 2 French boys who were making the same journey and decided to follow them as they knew the way. Skid-lid Pete, as he was called, lead the way and after about an hour we decided to stop for some petrol but couldn't attract their attention for toffee, so they continued alone. It was here we read a leaflet on the park and discovered it closed at 4pm, the time was now 4.15pm. 
Skid-lid Pete and his friend would be arriving in 25 minutes to a closed national park, served him right for ignoring me. This was a bit of a disappointment, it meant we had travelled around 40km only to turn back and head home. By this point Rory had built up a little confidence so I gave him a go. The road was clear for miles in both directions, so he headed off down the hard shoulder with a steady wobble. After about 50 meters he slowed down and started to perform a U-turn. As he turned, for some incalculable reason, he twisted the accelerator to speed up. As my face dropped he headed, with increasing speed, towards the ditch on the opposite side of the road. Luckily, with about a meter to spare, he slammed on the front break, preformed a rather impressive front wheely and with that returned in my direction and said "I think you better drive back". 
The drive home was getting a little tedious so we passed the time singing a collection of Jeremy Clarkson's greatest driving tunes, taking it in turn to do lead guitar then vocals. My personal favourite was our rendition of Stepping Wolf's Born to be wild which looped between first verse and chorus for about 25 minutes of mumbled screaming. We returned the bike safe and sound that evening after having a really good day, but I think it will be some time before I apply for my Hells Angels membership.
